Raging Sea

Thursday, March 01, 2007

MW Smith

Sometimes the journey makes you weary
Feels like a long and winding road
Sometimes this life can lose it's meaning
But you might be surprised to find some hope
Maybe you're wondering where love is
You may feel it's far away from here
Maybe you're wondering where I am
You might be surprised to find I'm near

And when your life is tossed and turning
And you are on the raging sea
I'll come and pull you from the water
Then you will know that you are free

So if you're stumbling through the valley
Or if you're tempted to give up the fight
Reach out your hand and I will lead you
I will be your strong arm in the night

Boy do i get weary. I wrote on my shower door this morning, "What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for". It's another song lyric.

My friends can't understand the mountain I climb, the path I follow. That can make you feel like you're crazy. But if you know you're following the God of creation, it can't be all that crazy can it? Then again, maybe that's exactly what it is! Who else does this?!

We talked last night at youth group about the calling of the disciples. We don't know what made them drop their fishing nets so quickly and follow this Rabbi, but we do know that only these 12 (and really only 11 of them) followed all the way through the bitter finish line. John 6:66 says, "from that time on many turned back and no longer followed him." I was quite struck by the location of that verse...666?! Six in scripture is the number of man, 666 the number of "the beast". The question I left my girls with was...will you follow man or this Jesus? The latter is exponentially harder. There's no way to know right now which they will choose. When the others turned back, Jesus turned to the 12 and asked if they would go too. Was he discouraged? Peter's my hero. "Where else would we go dear Rabbi, God of all creation, friend? You have the words of life." I think Jesus was grateful for him in that moment. He had to have felt discouraged...he was well acquainted with suffering. And I guess I'm glad to know that Jesus knows what it's like to feel the way I feel today.

I don't understand this path. No one does. My friends advise me to walk away from the task put before me. "This is not worth your effort," they say. "Walk away. Put your love and energy into someone who deserves it," they say.

Maybe the path I follow really is crazy. Or maybe it's brilliant beyond measure. All I know is that I keep on lifting one foot in front of the other, following the small circle of light that my guide shines on the path in front of me, because what if there is hope I never dreamed of? I won't find it by giving up. If I give up I'll never know if there actually were answers, rest, life, beauty, riches...right around the next corner. Oh how I long for that to be this corner. sigh.

So for today, it must be only the seemingly tenuous ropes of "What if..." that I grab onto as I pull myself up...one more time. Oh I hope it holds me.